Hey, person who stole my laptop out of my car in either the Nathan's or Micro Center parking lot in Westbury, New York on May 21, 2012 between 12:00PM and 1:30PM: wtf, man? What, didn't you think I needed it anymore? Why don't you get your own damn laptop?
This is my Dell Vostro 3500. It is service tag (serial number) 245N7L1, and this is not only on the bottom of the machine but embedded in the system itself. You can't get rid of it, Mr. Thief. If you have a laptop with this serial number, whether procured directly from me (ie. you are the thief) or purchased (from the thief), you have my laptop. And I want it back.
Whether you are the thief or just some innocent bystander who bought it at a pawn shop, I am prepared to offer a reward of $500 for its return. No questions asked. I just want it back, and I will pay $500 for my stupidity of leaving it in my car while I went to buy batteries for 5 minutes. This laptop is 2 years old and cost me $700 when I got it back then; it's not going to get you more than a couple hundred bucks in resale now - I'm offering you a better deal. $500 for doing nothing other than returning the laptop you stole, and I clear the police report. And if you're an innocent who bought it third-hand, well, you *could* be left holding the bag, since it is stolen property and you're currently in possession of it - but that $500 should take the sting out of otherwise having to return it to me. I don't want you to have to suffer like I am; assuming whoever you bought it from charged a reasonable price, you'll probably even make a profit on the whole thing when all is said and done.
If you don't take me up on my offer, I'll just say that I am watching every site on the internet to see if anything related to this laptop turns up anywhere - Ebay, Craigslist, 4chan, you name it, and the police have told me they'll act on that. You're not going to be able to resell it unless you sell it to a friend. Do everybody involved a favor - take my reward.
Email me with pics of the laptop, including the service tag, and we can figure out how I'll get the laptop back and you'll get the reward.
Note that if I find it myself, you're not getting anything other than a knock on your door from the police. The reward and promise to get the cops off your back is only if you contact me.
If you really want to keep it despite the reward, please do me a favor and wipe the drive. It'll make it easier to resell without all those pesky passwords to deal with anyway.
I don't have much hope of this reaching whoever has my laptop, but everything is worth trying. And I'm trying everything.